Thursday, April 1, 2010

License Agreement for Go To Hellman Blog

PLEASE READ THIS LICENSE AGREEMENT ("LICENSE") CAREFULLY BEFORE USING THE GO TO HELLMAN BLOG ("THE BLOG").  BY USING THE BLOG, YOU ARE AGREEING TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS OF THIS LICENSE. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THIS LICENSE, CEASE READING AT ONCE. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THE LICENSE, YOU MAY APPLY FOR A REFUND. IF THE BLOG WAS ACCESSED ELECTRONICALLY, CLICK "DISAGREE/DECLINE" BELOW. IF NOT, YOU MUST RETURN THE ENTIRE BLOG PACKAGE IN ORDER TO OBTAIN A REFUND.

IMPORTANT NOTE: This Blog may be used to induce synapse connection patterns in neural networks. It is licensed to you only for induction of non-copyrighted connection patterns, connection patterns in which you own the copyright, or connection patterns you are authorized or legally permitted to induce or have induced. This Blog may also be used for linking to music and video files for listening or viewing via your reading/listening/viewing device. Linked access of copyrighted music or video is only provided for lawful personal use or as otherwise legally permitted. If you are uncertain about your right to access to any linked material you should contact your legal advisor at once. 

1. General. The Blog, commentary and any graphics accompanying this License whether transmitted electronically, resident on disk or in memory, on any other media or in any other form (collectively the "Go To Hellman Blog") are licensed, not sold, to you by Gluejar Inc. ("Gluejar") for use only under the terms of this License, and Gluejar reserves all rights not expressly granted to you. The rights granted herein are limited to Gluejar's and its licensors' intellectual property rights in the Go To Hellman Blog and do not include any other patents or intellectual property rights. You may own the chair you are sitting on, subject to other ownership claims, and nothing else remotely connected to this Blog. The terms of this License will govern any correction or additional posts provided by Gluejar that replace and/or supplement the original Gluejar product, unless such changes are accompanied by a separate license in which case the terms of that license will govern.  

2. Permitted License. Uses and Restrictions. This License allows you to read and mentally process the Go To Hellman Blog. The Blog may be used to inspire new thoughts so long as such use is limited to thoughts which are lawful in your country of domicile. You may not make the Blog available over a network except as permitted under this License. You may make one copy of the Blog in machine-readable form for backup purposes only; provided that the backup copy must include all copyright or other proprietary notices contained on the original. You may also extract quotes, limited to forty words or less, and include them in your lawfully constructed derivative works, always providing that this License accompanies such derivative works. Except as and only to the extent expressly permitted in this License or by applicable law, you may not copy, decompile, reverse engineer, disassemble, modify, or create derivative works of the Blog or any part thereof. THE GO TO HELLMAN BLOG IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES OR OTHER EQUIPMENT IN WHICH THE SILLY THINGS THE BLOG SAYS COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE.  

3. Hyperlinking. You may not rent, lease, lend, redistribute or sublicense the Go To Hellman Blog. You may, however, make a one-time permanent hyperlink of all of your license rights to the Go To Hellman Blog to another party, provided that: (a) the hyperlink must include all of the Blog, including all its component parts, original media, printed materials and this License; (b) you do not retain any copies of the Blog, full or partial, including copies stored on a computer or other storage device;  and (c) the party activating the hyperlinked Blog reads and agrees to accept the terms and conditions of this License.  

4. Consent to Use of Data. You agree that Gluejar and its millions of subsidiaries, present and future, real and imagined, may collect and use technical and related information, including but not limited to technical information about your computer, system and application software, and peripherals, that is gathered periodically to facilitate the embarrassment of bashful users. Gluejar may use this information, as long as it is in a form that does not personally identify you or your grotesque bodily deformities, to improve our stories or to provide services or technologies to you.  

5. Other Services. You understand that by using this Blog, you may encounter Content that may be deemed offensive, indecent, or objectionable, which content may or may not be identified as having explicit language. Nevertheless, you agree to use the Blog at your sole risk and that Gluejar shall have no liability to you for content that may be found to be offensive, indecent, objectionable, obscene, pornographic or just plain stupid. Content types (including tags, links, videos, comments and the like) and descriptions are provided for convenience, edification and amusement, and you acknowledge and agree that Gluejar does not guarantee their accuracy or grammar.

Certain Content may include materials from third parties or links to certain third party web sites. You acknowledge and agree that Gluejar is not responsible for examining or evaluating the content or accuracy of any such third-party material or web sites, notwithstanding that it's pretty much the whole point. Gluejar does not warrant or endorse and does not assume and will not have any liability or responsibility for any third-party materials or web sites, or for any other materials, products, or services of third parties. Links to other web sites are provided solely as a convenience to you and your chattel. You agree that you will not use any third-party, fourth party, or even nth-party materials in a manner that would infringe or violate the rights or put a damper on any other party and that Gluejar is not in any way responsible for any such use by you, especially insofar as we have not been invited to such parties.  

6. Termination. This License is effective until terminated. Your rights under this License will terminate automatically without notice from Gluejar if you fail to comply with any term(s) of this License. Upon the termination of this License, you shall cease all use of the Blog and delete all copies of the Blog in your possession as well as all derivative works you have made using quotes from the Blog.  

7. Disclaimer of Warranties. YOU EXPRESSLY ACKNOWLEDGE AND AGREE THAT USE OF THE BLOG (AS DEFINED ABOVE) IS AT YOUR SOLE RISK AND THAT THE ENTIRE RISK AS TO SATISFACTORY QUALITY, PERFORMANCE, ACCURACY AND EFFORT IS WITH YOU. TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, THE GO TO HELLMAN BLOG IS PROVIDED "AS IS", WITH ALL FAULTS AND WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, AND GLUEJAR AND GLUEJAR'S LICENSORS (COLLECTIVELY REFERRED TO AS "GLUEJAR" FOR THE PURPOSES OF SECTIONS 7 AND 8) HEREBY DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES AND CONDITIONS WITH RESPECT TO THE GO TO HELLMAN BLOG, EITHER EXPRESS, IMPLIED OR STATUTORY, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES AND/OR CONDITIONS OF READABILITY OR INTELLIGIBILITY, OF SATISFACTORY QUALITY, OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OF ACCURACY, OF QUIET ENJOYMENT, AND NON-INFRINGEMENT OF THIRD PARTY RIGHTS. GLUEJAR DOES NOT WARRANT AGAINST INTERFERENCE WITH YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THE GO TO HELLMAN BLOG, THAT THE FUNCTIONS CONTAINED IN THE GO TO HELLMAN BLOG WILL MEET YOUR REQUIREMENTS, THAT THE OPERATION OF THE GO TO HELLMAN BLOG WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED OR ERROR-FREE, OR THAT DEFECTS IN THE GO TO HELLMAN BLOG, NUMEROUS AND EGREGIOUS AS THEy MAY BE, WILL BE CORRECTED. NO ORAL OR WRITTEN INFORMATION OR ADVICE GIVEN BY GLUEJAR OR AN GLUEJAR AUTHORIZED REPRESENTATIVE SHALL CREATE A WARRANTY. SHOULD THE GO TO HELLMAN BLOG PROVE DEFECTIVE, YOU ASSUME THE ENTIRE COST OF ALL NECESSARY SERVICING, REPAIR OR CORRECTION. SOME JURISDICTIONS DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OF IMPLIED WARRANTIES OR LIMITATIONS ON APPLICABLE STATUTORY RIGHTS OF A CONSUMER, SO THE ABOVE EXCLUSION AND LIMITATIONS MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU BUT WE REALLY DONT GIVE A DAMN.  

8. Limitation of Liability. TO THE EXTENT NOT PROHIBITED BY LAW, IN NO EVENT SHALL GLUEJAR BE LIABLE FOR PERSONAL INJURY, OR ANY INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, INDIRECT OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES WHATSOEVER, INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, LOSS OF DATA, DISTRACTION FROM MORE IMPORTANT THINGS, BUSINESS INTERRUPTION OR ANY OTHER COMMERCIAL DAMAGES OR LOSSES, ARISING OUT OF OR RELATED TO YOUR USE OR INABILITY TO USE THE GO TO HELLMAN BLOG, HOWEVER CAUSED, REGARDLESS OF THE THEORY OF LIABILITY (CONTRACT, TORT OR OTHERWISE) AND EVEN IF GLUEJAR HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. SOME JURISDICTIONS DO NOT ALLOW THE LIMITATION OF LIABILITY FOR PERSONAL INJURY, OR OF INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, SO THIS LIMITATION MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU. In no event shall Gluejar's total liability to you for all damages (other than as may be required by applicable law in cases involving personal injury) exceed the amount of fifty cents ($0.50). The foregoing limitations will apply even if the above stated remedy fails of its essential purpose.  

9. Trademarks. “Gluejar”, “Go To Hellman”, “Hellman” and "ebook" are trademarks/service marks of Gluejar, Inc.  Gluejar and/or its suppliers own all rights, title and interest, including, without limitation, all intellectual property rights, in and to the Blog.  Except as expressly provided for in these Terms, You acquire no rights in or to Gluejar Trademarks. If your name happens to be "Hellman", doesn't that really suck? Lillian, you're dead, so stop twittering. Warren, wouldn't "We Shall Be Friedman" be a much better name for your blog? And did Frances ever tell you I inherited her desk at Ginzton Lab? Speaking of Twitter, don't you hate mayonnaise misspellers? The Best has two Ns, idiots! Marty, you can have my second key any time, keep up the good work. Jakob, do a new album already. Lauren, may you rot in Hel for not doing Googling your blog name first.  

10. Export Control. You may not use or otherwise export or reexport the Go To Hellman Blog except as authorized by United States law and the laws of the jurisdiction in which the Go To Hellman Blog was obtained. In particular, but without limitation, the Go To Hellman Blog may not be exported or re-exported (a) into any U.S. embargoed countries or (b) to anyone on the U.S. Treasury Department's list of Specially Designated Nationals or the U.S. Department of Commerce Denied Person’s List or Entity List. By using the Go To Hellman Blog, you represent and warrant that you are not located in any such country or on any such list. You also agree that you will not use this Blog for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.  

11. Government End Users. The Go To Hellman Blog and related commentary are "Commercial Items", as that term is defined at 48 C.F.R. §2.101, as such terms are used in 48 C.F.R. §12.212 or 48 C.F.R. §227.7202, as applicable.  Consistent with 48 C.F.R. §12.212 or 48 C.F.R. §227.7202-1 through 227.7202-4, as applicable, the Blog is being licensed to U.S. Government end users (a) only as Commercial Items (b) with only those rights as are granted to all other end users pursuant to the terms and conditions herein and (c) can you believe this inpenetrable language is contained in the iTunes License agreement that you probably accepted this week.  

12. Controlling Law and Severability. This License will be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the State of New Jersey. If you gotta problem with that, I know a guy. This License is Born in the USA and shall not be governed by the United Nations Convention on Contracts for the International Sale of Goods, the application of which is expressly excluded by Bruce Himself. If for any reason a court of competent jurisdiction finds any provision, or portion thereof, to be unenforceable, the remainder of this License shall continue in full force and effect, so go stuff it.  

13. Complete Agreement; Governing Language. This License constitutes the entire agreement between the parties with respect to the use of the Go To Hellman Blog licensed hereunder and supersedes all prior or contemporaneous understandings regarding such subject matter. No amendment to or modification of this License will be binding unless in writing and signed by Gluejar. Any translation of this License is done for local requirements and in the event of a dispute between the English and any non-English versions, the English version of this License shall govern, because we're Americans and what other language do you expect us to understand. In particular, any declarations made in robots.txt or meta tag assertions files are null and void. Googlebot, this means you.

    Last updated, April 1, 2010.







    Notwithstanding the foregoing, CC BY-NC-ND works just fine.

    5 comments:

    1. Where's the button that says "You're a jerk, Gluejar, a complete kneebiter"?

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    2. I love it!

      Eric, you have way too much time on your hands. (Of course you probably cut and pasted much of the language from some *real* license agreement.

      Thanks for a nice start to my day.

      ReplyDelete
    3. Thought I'd left a comment earlier....
      Love it, love it love it! Trying to understand the finer points to make sure I don't infringe any conditions if I pass on the link to other interested parties... Do I need to refer to my legal advisor ? ( Not that I have one to hand.)
      Now, Eric, it might be helpful to write a version in plain English (that's using simple to understand language - it's not a dialect of American English....lololololol.)

      ReplyDelete
    4. Though reading through this again, it looks a bit as if I've used a strange dialect of my own, thus contradicting the last part of my comment. Plain English indeed...haha. Of course what I should have written is 'using language which is simple to understand...'. Apologies , people.

      ReplyDelete